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Testimony of sister Meng Xicun

China Aid Association

For the full story, click here: Testimony of sister Meng Xicun

My name is Meng Xicun. I was born in an impoverished small county in Henan Province . My mother had become a believer when I was still very little. But at that time, she had no idea what it meant to believe in the Lord. She was just following other folks. I was influenced by them since childhood. So I would also go to the gatherings, and listen to their singing sometimes. I was just a little girl! I didn’t really know the Lord my mother believed in. So I just had this obscure idea in my heart, that there was a God in the universe. But I wasn’t sure what this God was like. So my life hadn’t changed much. Later on, after I had grown up, I had a lot more experience in the society, and forgot about the God my mother believed. So I cared nothing about her gatherings or worship, let alone my own. Later a friend introduced me to South China Church . It was my first time meeting the believers of SCC. Only when I was with them did I know what the Lord was like, the very Lord my mother believed in, the very Lord I heard from her when I was little. Then they talked to me about a lot of things, and read me a paragraph in the Bible. So I knew that all had sinned and dying in sin. At that time, I felt that there was a void in my heart. This was because of what I saw in life, family, the society and many friends, that one was without any hope. When they talked to me, I thought to myself, God had put this faith in my heart since I was a little girl. This was not some faith that only existed when I heard of it. So the first time I got to know this faith, I accepted it with no doubts or hesitation. Since then, I would follow them to the gatherings, and listen to the sermons. Gradually I was changed.

It was in October, 1993, that I went for a sermon. They led me to a family gathering where the sermon would be given. I followed them there. In the end of that meeting, I knew clearly that I was saved, and got to know Jesus, and received Him into my heart as my savior. After I was assured that I was saved, I felt a kind of peace and satisfaction that I had never experienced before. This joy drove away all the emptiness and boredom I felt towards the world, which was in my heart before I believed in Jesus. After I came back, I spoke to my mother. (She was a believer, but her faith was kind of weak at home.) I said to her, “the Lord you believe in is such a great Lord! But you never told me about Him before. You believe and go to heaven, but let me go to hell?” Then mother told me that she didn’t know much about the Lord either. So I told her that I had attended a meeting, where I found the treasure of the universe, that is, Jesus Christ, and realized that I was a sinner. You may well say that I told mother everything I knew. Mother was very happy too after she heard what I said. She said that she had been a believer for so many years (even before I was born) but hardly knew anything about it till I was about 20. In the end she said, “I have been following the Lord for almost 20 years, but still I have no idea who He really is.” Then she said, “I’m going with you to the meetings.” So she went as well. Since I joined SCC, I had attended the sermons, “truth meetings”, trainings for co-workers, studies of the life of Jesus, and studies of the book Complete Salvation and so on. During a meeting, I heard a song Lost Sheep, Where Are You Now? I was greatly moved by this song. I felt my faith was still shallow, and my spiritual life was far from being mature, but I knew that I had been saved. I could say that I had received the Lord into my heart, and that I was rescued from death and sin. But there were still a lot of people out there who hadn’t, including many of my own kinsmen. You may well say that they wouldn’t be in heaven with me. I would go to heaven; they would go to hell. So felt so troubled in my heart. So I said, “Well… I want to proclaim the gospel too. But I don’t know if I’m qualified for that.” I talked to a sister by my side about this. She answered, “Pray to the Lord now, and ask Him for the ability to preach!” I didn’t know much at that time. Hearing her words, I complied immediately. I said to the Lord, “O Lord! I don’t know anything, and am far from being mature. But I’m willing to give myself to you. Please make use of me, and let me go look for the lost sheep and get them all back, so they can also receive this salvation like I did, and be freed from death, and have the life to the full.” After I had prayed, I felt very peaceful and joyful.

There was a training of theology held in 1997. So I went. After the trainings, I would be able to join the Gospel Legion, and proclaim the gospel as an evangelist. It was held in June, 1997, and we studied the life of Jesus recorded in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. We got to know His life, that is, His birth, preaching, death, burial, resurrection, and ascension. His life taught me many things, and gave me a full understanding of orthodox Christology, like who Jesus was, what kind of work He undertook on earth, and what I was supposed to do after He had done what He had to do. By studying The Word of God (Redemption Theology), I had the knowledge of the truth about repentance, belief, rebirth, righteousness through faith, and sanctification. I understood the importance of these truths. By studying this, a whole picture of well structured “gospel spreading blueprint” was spread before my eyes. When I had this picture in mind, I really felt the same way the Apostle Paul did, “Therefore do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.” I was zealous in the heart. I also felt that I had not only received the Lord, but also had the understanding of the Bible and the way to conduct the affairs of the church the same way Jesus did. I had been equipped with these truths already. What’s more, we could administrate the house of God in order, step by step, and bring millions of people to the Lord. That was why I had this zeal in the heart. At that moment, I prayed to the Lord, “O Lord, if I can be of any use, please use me. I am willing to be sent to remote places, places where your name has never been heard.” After graduation from the training, I was sent on mission by the church. So I took a train to the South to proclaim the gospel.

So there we went. We really felt that we were not depending on our own strength. Wherever we went, the only thing we did was to proclaim Jesus and His crucifixion. After we
had uplifted His name this way, many people believed, repented, and confessed their sins. It was as if Jesus was saying in my heart, “If you uplift my name, millions will be drawn to me.” The situation was very favorable, and many believed and joined the church. In the South, people in many places had this faith in Bodhisattvas, and went to the temples to burn incense and to bow down before the Buddha. In each household, there would be idols, incenses and candles. I could tell that they needed the gospel badly. So I talked to them, and felt their hunger for the true God. I could see them longing for the truth in each meeting we held. They all said that they had never heard the gospel, this great news. We also rejoiced for these new brothers and sisters. We ere full of joy that so many people had come to the Lord.

We had a retreat in the end of 1997. In the beginning of the year 1998, our church began the publications of the periodicals under the leadership of Pastor Gong. He talked about the importance of compiling our own periodicals. We agreed with what he said. The sermons were given and appreciated, only to be forgotten later on. If we could record all these truths, which God had revealed to us, they could be kept forever. It would be right there, printed on paper. If we forgot, we could always take a look so that we would remember. So, all of us responded to it actively. Men or women, young or old, all joined the team for the periodicals. There were some aged believers in the church who could not read. All their life they had held hoes in their hands, but never pens. But even they would also talk about God’s grace, and voice out all their witnesses. There were hardships and dangers, of course. But God was the guard of our work and our church. So step by step we went forward, under the leadership of Pastor Gong. During the days we were first compiling the periodicals, we busied ourselves in all conditions. This was part of God’s plan of salvation! We had the mission to do it. So no obstacles whatsoever could stop us or hold us back. Our hearts were ready for this mission; our hearts were zealous for the Lord. We all had a deep understanding of the purpose of compiling the periodicals. We knew quite well that it was a way to make people know that everything was to God’s credit. There were unbelievers everywhere who were against our church. When they saw our publications, they would report to the police. You may well say that we were in great danger when we distributed the periodicals out.

The year 2001 was the year that our church, as well as the publications, was in big trouble. Everywhere the periodicals created a great sensation, and people were disturbed. Many brothers and sisters had been pursued by the police since when the church was first established. It is not only during the recent years. They were in and out of jail all the time. There were both people sentenced to “reform through labor”, and those sentenced to “reeducation through labor”. Once we had a worship gathering, (could be a big one or a small one, I’m not quite sure.) and some unbelievers reported us to the police. After that the police took our things away by force, and arrested some of us. Then the police beat them and fined them and put them into “classes of ideology”. This was the persecution we encountered. These were the circumstances around us at that time.

Then it was the year 2001. On May 27th, 2001, Sister Li Ying (the chief editor of the SCC periodical) was found out by the police when she was in a reception house, and was arrested. Sister Xiao Yanli, a Brother from Lichuan called Dong Daolai, and Brother Yi Chuanfu, and a sister whose name I didn’t know, as well as the reception family were all under arrest. After we heard this, we stopped the work immediately to get prepared for what was ahead of us. I was in Zhongxiang at that time. On hearing the news, the co-workers all said to me, “You should leave for somewhere else to hide for a while, since some brothers and sisters have already been arrested. If you stay here, you could be arrested too.”

On the morning of the 28th, when we were about to leave, news came that Sister Li Yingping and Sister Liu Xianzhi were also arrested (at night, on the 27th). I was so shocked to learn all this. I had no idea why the Lord allowed it to happen. What was His will? I was really at a loss what to do. What would the periodical come to? Sister Li Ying, the chief editor had been caught. Sister Li Yingping was also caught. What could we do? I felt so distressed and troubled that I could think no more about it. It was very hard for me to accept what had happened. It was such a great blow to me. So, all the brothers and sisters said that we got to go. All these things were like a warning to us. We could not stay there any longer.

About 4 p.m. on the 28th, I had already packed up my belongings to take a coach for Jingmen. I had just got on the coach when two men ran up and took hold of me without saying a word. I asked who they were. They made no responses. Instead, they grabbed me and shoved me into a car, which took me to a yard of the police training center of Zhongxiang City .

When I got there, they asked me no questions. They just ordered me to stand straight. Seeing that it was the police department, I knew I was toast. I remembered Sister Li Ying and Sister Li Yingping, who had been caught already. I had been taken there too. There was no way I could escape. So I prayed in my heart: O Lord, please give me wisdom. Tell me how to deal with these people with your words, not mine… Even if I would be able to escape or leave in peace, I was ready to go to jail anytime for the Lord. I was prepared anyway. I had no fear in my heart, even though they were going to put me in jail. So I made no answer, and was kept standing in the yard for over an hour.

Then they took me to a row of houses, which all faced northeast. I was led into one of the houses. There were three beds in it. On the beds were clothes and quilts. Between the two beds was a table. From one end to the other of the house was a rope, on which hung shorts, socks, clothes, towels and stuff. On seeing this, I knew it was a bedroom. Basins, bags, and some shoes were also there in a mess. On entering the room, they ordered me to kneel down. I refused, and stood there. Then three more men wearing western style shorts came in. They spoke to me, “Behave yourself! Don’t you know where you are yet?” Then all of them came and beat me. There were about 8 of them, shoving me to each other. One pushed me to another man, and this man would push me to yet another. I felt dizzy. Every way I went, I was hit by a fist or two big hands. I was so dizzy that I couldn’t tell to which direction I was going. Then they kicked me in the legs and in the belly. One of them said, “You are not kneeling? Let’s see how tough you can be! Let’s see how long you can hold! We could as well snap your leg in two! Are you going to kneel or not?” These men kept striking me and kicking me. In the end, my legs gave away. So I fell, but I still refused to kneel. On seeing this, one policeman grabbed my hair and pulled me up. Then he started to slap across my face, and threw dirty words at me. He said, “We’ll kill you today!” I felt sharp pain when he slapped me, both my face and my scalp. My tears almost came out. After this, I felt I was kind of dumb, and was insensitive to the pain. What’s more, my eyes couldn’t see clearly. I heard beeps in my ears. After that policeman was finished with the beatings, he threw me forward onto the ground. He had grabbed my hair real tight. When he had thrown me there, there was still my hair in his hand. So he blew the hair onto my face. Then he said to me, “Don’t try to play possum!” and sent me lying on the floor with another kick. After that, they had a smoke. I was in so much pain that I could barely move. My legs and my belly hurt so much that I curled up my body and held my belly. They again said I was playing possum, and gave me more kicks. Th
ey were still sitting there smoking, for they were tired from beating me. At that time I could neither move nor speak. They had a good time with their smoke, and pointed at me, threw dirty words at me. What they said was really insulting. I was barely a human being, according to what they said, and was in possession of no dignity or personality. I don’t even want to repeat their words. I didn’t want to hear a word from their mouth. I was so distressed. I said in my heart, “Lord, why? I’m just a Christian. I have neither set fire or murdered. Why were they doing this to me? I’m not treated as a human being!” I felt so bad. Then I remembered some verses in the Bible, “A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master.” When I remembered these verses, I said in my heart, “My Lord, what I have suffered from today is nothing, compared to the scorns and insults they threw at you.” I felt that I had to bear my cross to follow the Lord. I had peace in my heart, knowing that I had my share in the bitter cup of the Lord. No longer was I in anger, struggle or discontentment. Peace and joy were what I had in my heart. I thought about nothing else except to pray that the Lord give me more strength to face the torture.

It was about 7 p.m., and the sky was turning dark. There was a very fat policeman with a pot belly. It was not extremely hot, so he still had his vest on. He stroked his belly, saying, “Let’s go, boys. We’ll have dinner first. After we get our strength back, we’ll continue to beat her.” Before he left, he came to me, grabbed me, and demanded that I kneel straight. I had this great pain in my belly, so I couldn’t kneel at all. Then he took hold of my hair and pulled me up. He tried to make me kneel. But I just couldn’t. So I leaned forward, and put my hands on the ground. Only by doing this could I keep the kneeling position. Seeing my hands on the ground, he ground them with his feet. He was tall and fat, and wearing leather shoes. He used all the strength he had to grind my hand. When he first set foot on my left hand, I tried to move his foot away. But another man came up immediately. Seeing that I was trying to beak free, he pulled my arm, and twisted it behind my back. (Just like this with his hands, you see, not like what I’m doing now in this direction. He twisted it behind my back with great strength.) I heard my arm gave out a “k-lak” sound. Sharp pain permeated through it, as if it was broken. I clenched my teeth, unable to make a sound. When my hand had been tramped upon, I could still let out a cry. But now I had to clench my teeth, and cold sweat covered my entire body. Still I wasn’t kneeling, so the man who twisted my arms held it upward. My arm was in great pain already, and it hurt all the more. Right then I could see my right hand was black and blue. My arm was extremely painful, and my heartbeat quickened. I was in panic, and my forehead was covered with cold sweat. I felt helpless in so much pain. Then I just passed out. I can’t remember what happened after that.

After I woke up, I felt my ankles touched something cold. I couldn’t move, so I just took a look at my feet. I saw that I was fettered with shackles (which weighed nearly 10 kilos). There was water on my face and hair, but I had no idea why. Then I tried to move my arm. On moving my left arm, I felt sharp pain. My hand was still numb and couldn’t feel a thing. I tried to lift my arm to see if it was broken. It wasn’t, but I couldn’t lift it up. It hurt so badly when I moved it that I couldn’t even bear it. Then I looked at my hand again. It was numb and swollen and couldn’t feel anything. My middle finger was bleeding from his grinding. I couldn’t even tell what the color of my hand was. The skin of my hand was cut, and blood came out. It was covered with mud. While I was still lying on the ground, the fat policeman leaned on the bed in slippers, and having a smoke. He looked at me with a scornful laugh, and said, “Pray to your God now! Ask your God to come for your rescue. I guess he is sleeping and cannot hear you. Tell you what, you better pray to me. You are still young. There are a whole lot of things you can do. Why do you have to believe in Christianity? Don’t you know it’s a foreign religion? The government forbids it! If you want to believe in something, then believe in Buddhism or Taoism! We wouldn’t arrest you for that!” He said a lot of dirty words, slandering Christianity. I couldn’t take this anymore. So I answered back, “You don’t know anything about religion. You have no right to insult my belief.” I was very angry, but I was not supposed to swear at them. I felt so humiliated. On hearing my answer, he jumped up, grabbed at me, and slapped me across my face, saying, “I dare you to talk back, you bitch. You wanna die now or what?” He heaped blows on me while cursing me. It went on till night time, and he was exhausted. I didn’t even know what time it was. It was late anyway and all of them were tired from cursing and beating me. So they wanted to rest. They asked somebody to handcuff me from behind. My hand and arm were still in great pain when they handcuffed me. But they did this anyway, and demanded that I walk around in the room. Then I was handed over to somebody else. I could barely stand still at that time. My entire body was hurting so badly that I couldn’t even make a single step. He ordered me to walk, but I couldn’t. So he hit me in the back, and stroke me on the head with a clothes hanger, saying, “You deaf? I told you to walk! You hear me?” But I just couldn’t. So they all hit me in the leg with clothes hangers, and said, “Move your ass!” I was under heavy blows again, and felt all the more painful. There was nothing else I could do but to walk with all the strength I had. The chains were so short that I could barely make a step. I had made only one small step when a man stepped on my chain. He thought it was fun. I couldn’t move with his foot on the chain. What’s more, I still had this pain in my belly and my legs. So I fell on my knees. My hands were handcuffed behind my back, so I couldn’t even support myself with them. My knees and my head hit the ground. On seeing this, he said, “Get up, bitch!” But how could I get up, since I couldn’t put my hands on the ground? My head was also there touching the ground. So here, you see, there was a whole in my flesh. The skin of my knees all got cut. I struggled to get up. Slowly I stood erect. Bu before I could make another step, he put his foot on the chains again. So I fell again. Just like that, I fell again and again before I could make a couple of steps. My head and my knees were all covered with blood. I was wearing a pair of thin pants (since it was summer time), which was all stained with blood in the knee part. The shackles were really heavy. When he stepped on the chains, they would pull on my ankles. The skin all sunk in, though no blood came out. There was simply no way for you to make a step. He would just have fun on me, give me strikes, and mock me. There what nothing I could do. I could not make any further. So I tried and tried to make small steps forward. It was so hard for me. I could but make very small steps for the chains were so short. I could not just walk in the normal pace, because my legs hurt so badly. So I slowly pulled myself forward, little by little. This went on for about 3 hours till about dawn break. During this time, they were annoyed because they thought I was noisy. There were three of them lying in bed, who would take shifts. They told me to stop walking around for they hated the noise of the chains dragged on the ground. I was still on my foot with no food but a sharp pain in my stomach. I had this stomach disorder, but I didn’t cry or scream. I didn’t even make a sound. If I did, they would curse me again. They hated noises. Once one of them said, “Tell this bitch to stand there, face the wall, and think about her wrongdoings! She makes so damn much noise!” I was k
ept standing till morning, without a wink of sleep. They made me stand so close the wall that my head almost touched it. But I couldn’t, for they forbade me to touch the wall, neither my head nor my body. If I failed to do as they ordered me to, they would throw dirty words at me and strike me again. All these went on till morning.

In the morning of the second day, they continued the interrogation. They said, “Do you know you are a cult? You are all reactionaries! We have all been convicted as reactionaries! Your teacher, Gong Shengliang, has been identified as the head of your cult.” I argued, “No, we are not reactionaries! We have done nothing to endanger the nation! We are no cult. We believe in Christianity, don’t you know that? Why are you saying we are a cult?” I continued, “You know who we are. Most of us are old or sick or disabled. We are simple peasants! How can we be reactionaries? We are Christians, not some cult!” They were mad on hearing this, and said, “What! I dare you to talk back! Get the electric clubs, and recharge them to the full! We’ll let you see what it means to ‘dangle between life and death’!” At that time, I had no idea what the electric clubs were for. Then two policemen, a fat one and a thin one smoking cigarettes, came up to me. They tore my blouse open with one pull. The buttons gave away. Then they grinned at me evilly, and flipped the cigarette ash onto my body, both in front and to the back. It was summer time! I had worn but a bra inside! You may well say they stripped me half naked. I felt so humiliated. After that, they burned me in my neck, my face, and my ears with the cigarette ends. See my ear here? Even today one of my earlobes is smaller than the other. At that time, I could not bear it any more. So I called them villains. I said, “You are nothing but a bunch of villains!” On hearing this, they grabbed me, and threw me to the floor. On e of them tramped on my head, kicking and stamping. He said, “Damn you, bitch! How dare you to call us names? We’ll damn kill you here, you bitch!” I tried with all my strength to move his foot. It was so heavy on my head that I felt my head was going to bust. While I was holding his foot, one person standing by me said, “I dare you to move! Grab her hands!” Then my hands and feet were held tight. I couldn’t even pull them back. After cursing and beating me, he still felt dissatisfied. So he dragged me up, and slapped me across the face. A “woo-woo” sound rang in my ears, and I could either hear or see clearly. In the end, I could not stand this anymore. I fell onto the ground. This time, he wasn’t able to even drag me up, so he just dropped me. They were exhausted from beating me, so they left me lying on the ground.

At this time, the one called Li Zhixiang, who had been interrogating Sister Xiao Yanli, came in with an electric club in his hand. On seeing me lying there, unable to move, he kicked me, saying, “Bitch! You wanna play possum? Get up! Tell me, do you know Xiao Yanli? Do you know where she bought her computer? Where is it now? Xiao Yanli has told us everything. (Are you asking me where Li Zhixiang was from? I don’t know. They were calling him by this name. But I don’t know where he was from or where he lived. I got no idea where all those people of the special team were from.)” He continued, “Where had she bought her computer? Where is it now? Xiao Yanli has told us you were the deputy editor of the periodical. Are you telling us that you don’t know where the computer is?” I said, “I really don’t.” He said, “You do when we tell you that you do. Dumb pig, we can’t learn you anything, can we?” Immediately he swung the electric club at me. I tried to shun from the blow, but it landed on my shoulder. I tried to push the electric club away, but my hand was sucked to it. I was so frightened that I pulled my hand back. He roared in laughter, and said, “You don’t really like the shock, right? If you don’t confess, we’ll let you enjoy it to your heart’s content!” Then he posed other threats to me, and said, “Kill her today, if she doesn’t talk!” He went to another room to interrogate Sister Xiao Yanli. Soon I heard her crying and screaming. I felt so tense, so I prayed, “Lord, please add to us the strength for suffering. We have no other choice here. There is no mercy in their hands.” I just lifted it all up to the Lord. Then they grabbed me up. I couldn’t stand up anymore, so I leaned on the wall. They asked me, “What is your name? Where do you live? When did you become a Christian? How long have you been a Christian? How many gatherings have you attended? What is your position in the church? Where did you get the computer? Where is it now? Where did you print the periodicals? How many copies have been published? Who had got the copies?” and some other questions. When they interrogated me, they had made the story all up, and forced me to repeat what they said, especially about the computer. Actually I didn’t know where they bought it or printed the periodicals, but they just wouldn’t let me go. They pressed me for the false witness. In order to get this, they interrogated me for three days and nights, cheating and coaxing me. I had no idea what Sister Xiao Yanli had said, so I made no response to the questions referring to her. But even when I said “I don’t know,” they would put down “I do” anyway. They used all the measures, just to get the false witnesses.

During all these three days, I went through unspeakable torture. Wherever I said something they don’t think was helpful, they would strike me. All this time I had nothing to eat or drink, and not a wink of sleep. Even when I just winked, they would swear at me and strike me. They questioned me again and again when in the end they ran out of questions. In the end, they just took out a paper, in which was the false testimony, and demanded me to sign. I was exhausted and hungry and thirsty and suffering from my stomach problem, and I couldn’t hold on anymore. I had been saying to myself that if only I could drink a mouthful of water, close my eyes even if for only one second, I would willingly go to jail for it. All I wanted was to get away from the interrogation. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I don’t remember what they asked me. Whatever they said to me, I made no response. It wouldn’t amount to anything anyway, so I just kept silent. In the end, they felt that they could get nothing more form me. So they told the testimony paper out, and demanded me to sign. I saw that several pages were all blank. I had no idea what it was, so I hesitated for a second. Seeing this, they urged me, “Hurry up and sign! Time’s limited!” Ignorant of the outcome, I signed as they ordered me to. All I wanted to do was to leave that place. Then they pushed me into a car, and took me away. Later I learned what they did to the paper. They wrote things that I had ever said on the pages. That was how they could say they got truthful testimonies. It was all a trap!

They took me from the training center to Jingshan. I asked, “Where are we going?” One of them replied, “Prison No.1 of Jingshan.” That was where they took me. We passed by a hotel, and the driver went down to but cigarettes. A hooker from that hotel saw us, and approached the car, making gestures. The thin policeman summoned her up, and the hooker talked to him. I didn’t want to listen to what they said. I hated to look at them. That hooker smiled and said, “I’ll be waiting for you,” and left. Seeing the hooker leaving, the thin cop turned around and swore at me, “It’s all your fault, damn it! I haven’t been on a hooker for several days!” I just ignored him and his filthy words. Then we arrived at Prison No.1 of Jingshan.

I was handed to the officials. There were only two cells for women, and I was put into cell No.13. Before they left, the policemen all told the officials that all news about me should be kept from the outside. My family was not supposed to know my whereabouts or pay me visit. So the officials asked some inmates to watc
h over me. What ever I did was reported to them.

To keep reading, click here: Testimony of sister Meng Xicun